GOD NO!

..
If God was dying
.....Then would He
Appoint as straw-boss
.....ME?
And would I joyfully agree?
.....Not me!
..
I never know
.....From day to day
What stance to take
.....What game to play
'Tis best I walk
.....Confidentially
And play the cards
.....He's dealt to me!
..
From Time & Again by GeoE
...

TIDES

..
The tides of Time
Have washed upon my shore
A plethora of toys
Swirling 'round my toes
In dizzying array
..
Dare I wet my feet?
..
From Time & Again by GeoE
..

MAY DAY

...
Heady the scent
.....Of buckets of blooms
..........In market stall
..
Heaven sent
......One small rose
..........In Lover's hand
..
Devistation rent
.....In dandelion
.........Crushed by grubby feet
...
From Time & Again by GeoE
..

SONG OF THE SEA

....
Soaring with the seagull
Chatting with the cat
Swaying with the silent sea
I am alive
...
Shadow of a shoreline
Drawn against the sky
Speaks of new tomorrows
In a joyous bye and bye
...
Yet here I stanchly stand
Oyster in my hand
Araid to crack the shell
To see the pearl inside
..
Crack it! Whack it!
What 'cha got to lose?
When you're standing on the bottom
The only way is high!
...
From Time & Again by GeoE
..

ABORNING

...
Shhhhh...........Listen
Do you hear the silence -
The breathless hush of waiting?
..
.....Now..........this minute
..........Out of the dark
...............Mysterious womb of Mara
..
....................Ever bright - the Sun
.........................Eternal light of life
..............................Returns - anew
..
From Time & Again by GeoE
..

YOURS........OR MINE?

..
What is life that we
...........Desperately demand it be ...
.....................What?
..
A job
..........To which we wearily
......................Drag ourselves each day?
..
A lovely house
.........For which we pay
.......................And pay and pay?
..
A spouse
...........Whom we must please
........................Concede - conceive?
..
A child
............To bear our name
.........................Or blame?
..
How desparately we try
.............To preserve a status quo
...........................And if we let it go - what?
..
Life is not found
.............In tin-tinab'ling poud
............................Nor desperate pursuit
..
Not in cacophonic sound
..............Nor silent mediation
..............................'Twould never suit
..
Life simply and silently
.............Persistently,
.................................Ceaselessly exists;
..
The rest is up to me,
...............Whatever and whenever
..................................That may be.
..
From Time & Again by GeoE
..

DON'T LOVE ME

...
Don't love me so much;
......I am dying.
Life has naught
......To do with beating heart
But with being
.......Ev'ry hour - ev'ry day
..
Life's given birth
.....Through the living
Nor you - nor I can know
.....Appointed day
Nor guide our feet
......Upon the way.
..
To sit with blinders
......By the track
May be the way for some -
......Not me;
I want to see
......the boxcars rushing by
..
Memories are sweet;
.....Nostalgia moves the heart;
.....Love brings light
.....And oft remorse,
And then;
.....The train must move again
..
And who can say -
......Nor you - nor I -
What treasures lie
.....Around the bend?
Mayhap beginning -
.....Not an end.
..
'Tis "all aboard" -
......Or never know
When comes the time
......You got'to go
Ride with me
......Or leave me free
..
"The best laid plans
......Of mice or men
Gang aft a-stray"
......'Tis said.
I only know
......I have today
..
From Time & Again by GeoE
..

MORNING PRAYER

..

I CHERISH THAT

WHICH HAS BEEN

...

AND EAGERLY ANTICIPATE

THAT WHICH WILL BE

...

AND SO IT IS!

...
From Time & Again by GeoE
..

The Livin' End

...
The simplicity of life
In youth,
Superb!
..
Moses' tablets
Carved in stone
Were will'o'wisp to
Steel engraved laws:
Mine own.
..
And being mine,
No confusion - doubts - or fears
Were known.
But joy?
Heav'n Forfend!
The Livin' End
Too dark to contemplate.
..
And now
At Seven Five and more
While in the wings, ajar,
Death's dark door;
I dance in glee
On steel engraved floor.
..
Plot and plan
With unconcealed spite
What arthritic limbs
And wicked mind
Can plot for my delight.
The Livin' End
Too bright to expiate.
..
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
September, 1994
..

ROAD ONCE TRAVELED

...
The road once traveled
................Through the corridors of time
................Has faded.
...
Sometimes lightning flash
................Reveals brief glimpse
................Of love and pain;
Yet 'tis a road once trod
................Never to be walked again:
..
Still, today's lush path
................Had unrevealed been,
................This time and place unseen
Had not the imminent road
................Enticed me.
..
The road once traveled
................Reaches to eternity.
...
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
Sept 1994
...

MESEMBRY ANTHEMUM

...
Iridescent, fuschia-pink
..........Hot against the hills
....................When April comes.
...
A flaming, blatant glory
.........Lying gray........forlorn
....................In May
...
Is the vibrant blaze of love
.........Momentary flame
....................Lost in ash?
...
Is Samadhi but a flash
..........Of heaven, and then
....................Just memory?
...
Or is fuschia blaze In-volved
..........In soft and subtle green
....................Of minute seed
...
To bring forth glorious light
.........Whenever Spring-Love-God
....................shall speak again?
...
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
...

REBIRTH

...
Outside my window
...........Daily blooms
The glory of the sky;
...........And every evening
.........................Dies.
...
Each night.....Ah mystery,
...........Dead blossoms lie;
Yet on the morrow
..........Doubled, that glory
........................Thrives.
....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
To the Morning Glories in my yard; 1990
...

APOLOGIA

....
Take time......................Give time
.....................Lose time...........................Find time
..................................Hurry time.......................Stop time.
What time will this happen?
....
Some time
............When all thing stop
...............................And Time...................times seven
Spreads out eternally?
....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
On finding my October birthday card on 1/12/87, with a promise of luncheon together when I found time, sent by Doris Elizabeth Einolf, who died 12/19/86.
...

A SONG OF THANKSGIVING

.....
EARTHQUAKE!
........And on the arch man built
........To sweep across the sky
........Forty people dead!
.....
DISASTER!
.......Giant-winged, man reaches
.......Heavenward and flaming, falls.
.......Hundreds dead!
....
AIDS!
.......Man's heedless fight for love
.......Touches innocents and infants.
.......Thousands dead!
....
WARS!
.......Hunger, strife, drugs, rape
.......Age, pain; man's endless daily path.
.......Millions dead!
....
Every morning father-sun
Makes blue the sky
And I
Forget the darkness of the night,
Waken to a song of light;
Build my version of a plane
Or arch to reach the sky.
...
Fecund, earth-mother smiles
Her progeny heaven-bent
And I
Touch love, esctatic in the joy
Of celebrating birth!
...
Thank God for courage to dare and to be;
Thank God for my "Brownie" with gape-toothed smile;
For children of loins and of love.
I have lost and won, known scorn and acclaim,
Lived in fear and distress;
Desparately grasped, gently released,
Made friends of pain and of death.
...
When the time should arrive
That death is my mate
The very last laugh shall be mine,
For I have embraced the cosmic joke:
"Thank God" is my parting line.
...
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
...

SPECIAL DELIVERY

...
Between the dark and the daylight
......When the light is beginning to taper
Comes a break in pre-occupation
.......While Meghann delivers the paper.
She's been to the mailbox with mama,
.......Put everything there in a bag,
Then lifted and dropped and pushed it
.......In a veritable fireman's drag
For two isn't tall....at all.
....
Somehow all the days tribulations
.......Seem to fade and to leave me free
While collecting the hugs and the kisses
......Of my special delivery.
Advertisements or checks or billings
......Are essence of love that lingers;
The whole of my life brightly colored
......By an angel with sticky fingers;
For two is the bestest of all!
....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
With thanks to Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
1985

MATILIJA

...
Beside a flat and barren road
A soft-white poppy stands
And casts its fragrance
Through the desert air because...
That's what a poppy does.
...
Does grey and prickly chaparral
Shriv'ling in the midday sun
Spare a scornful thought
For pale and fragile Matalija,
Or does it know,
.........gain strength
And far more richly grow
In scented air?
...
My precious poppy seems so frail,
Buffeted by the winds of life.
Often, in the night, I fear
This bloom will fade and die
.........and yet
The desert air was ne'er so sweet,
Or life so fresh and new
Except Matalija
Does what she must do.
....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
...
Matalija Poppy, native to Southern California and Mexico, Spectacular, growing to 8' or more, flower up to 9" wide, white, crinkled petals surround a cluster of golden stamens. Fragrant. Grows by desert roadside where little else is found.
...

SENTINEL

.....
Dry
.......And sere
....................And barren
Lies the earth.
....
'Neath burning sun life
Shrinks,
........Withers,
....................Hides.
Glaring spotlight drains,
........Moisture burrows deep;
....................Silence bears, endures
..............................and waits.
...
In all that vastness stands
.........Saguaro.
At his feet,
.........Daring light,
....................Daring heat,
Prickly clump of cactus;
.........Hard needles defy
....................Stupefying glare,
...
Yet hidden in her depths
.........Blood red drop of courage.
....................Hope blossoms there.
...
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
For Melissa, 1993
...

MY SON

...
He did not stay with me.
Methinks
He did not come for me,
........my strange and alien son,
........And yet
After death he said goodbye;
A silent, bold farewell
Twixt he and I
.........Stet.
......
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
John Ernest Paine 12/1/43-5/26/65
....

GRADUATION

.....
Dry-eyed my body sat
While I from other-where
Observed this one called "daughter"
As she sang her songs of life;
It's joys, its pain
.............and wondered
....
What have I to do with her?
Or she with me,
This child my body bore:
The baby my heart desired;
..............it seemed forevermore?
...
She was what she was:
Never a baby,
Though I adored, hugged and nursed
What I could hold of
................Precious, beautiful, talented.
..
Strength grown out of fear and pain,
Confused: other-worldly mired in manifest.
I watched, adored and often feared;
Did what I did,
................And prayed.
...
Tonight I lost regrets and guilt,
For what she is
Was born of the good and the bad:
Upon her the Gods smile.
....
I adore...and wonder;
What had I to do with her,
Or she with me?
...................She is what she is.
....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
Charlotte 12/17/90 on graduation HLCC
....

POEM

......
It seems to me
.............that if my pen
......just wanders 'cross the page
.......................disordered
Like some
.......nectar-drunken bee
........................from thought to thought;
'Tis thought to be
.......poetry!
.....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
....

TO LOT'S WIFE

....
Fortunate the bee.
No neck to look back upon
Empty honey-tree.
...
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
...

RESURRECTION

...
Like unto Phoenix
Out of ashes of old
Unfolding the new.
...
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
...

TEMPEST

...
Tempest in teapot
Shatters its container. Let steam
Return to its source.
....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
...

TIME AND TIME

....
Outside my window
Maple buds, blossoms, withers,
dies. Wrens come and go.
....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
...

SO-CAL WINTER

....
Summer hot sunshine
Frail, the feathered pepper-slyphs
Waltz in false-spring time.
....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
...

AUTUMN

...
In bold defiance
Aspen wears her gypsy dress
To winters' snow ball.
......
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
...

SUMMER

....
Lush red carpet laid
Beneath bottle brush tree.
Lady wren walks free.
...
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
...

SPRING

...
White-footed, spring lies
Softly on Eucalyptus
Defying grey skies.
...
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
...

LIFE

...
Deep within the heart
Of dying blossom moves the
Pollinating bee.
....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
...

GRIEF

...
Grasping dead blossom
Wet with lonely tears, while seed,
Unawakened, waits.
....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
...

YOUNG LOVER

....
I kiss lips chastely cool
Guarding frightened, wounded heart
To taste love's prayer.
....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
....

LOVE

....
Sweet sound of laughter,
Sharp salt of tears join to make
Joy of loving you.
.....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
...

KOAN

...
To use God as a crutch is to take a first step alone.
To use God as a crutch is to die.
Koan is a crutch
To walk alone is death.
....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
*Koan: a mediational dichotomy
.....

DEVA

....
Hang sweet hov'rer
Twixt earth and sky;
Naught but heart of flow'r
To catch your eye.
....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
...

MEDITATION

....
He wears his Buddha belly val'rously
And meditates most pond'rously
On pizza, pot and beer.
.....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
.....

FAREWELL

....
You are leaving;
............I shall miss you.
..........................In some ephemeral way, you are strength.
Opinionated...........adamant.............prejudiced
And yet
You opened doors,
............Feathered edge of consciousness
.......................Nor you.........nor I, explored.
....
I dreamed of us last night.
.....
On dusty coffee table lay
...............an album;
..........................Clippings.........photos..........notes.
Around me people
..............Faceless cocktail crowd.............noisy nothing-ness
..........................engulfing simple shack.
...........
Outside...............silent desert
..................Breathless................Waiting
Timelessly suspended in motes of moonlight.
Alone, I riffled through pages.........hearing songs
...............Snatches of joy and sadness,
............................raucous-rollicking
And then
Almost lost in the jumble of a page
..............A love song.
.......
Exquisite...........................it lay unsung.
...............In richly simple words
.......................Love, in all its fullness encompassed me.
.......
Through tear-constricted throat
..............I drifted into waking
........................Enraptured..............singing your song.
.........
"Love, you are an auto.....the hood."
.....
I know where we meet.....you and I.
...........We have a song.........'Twill move the world
.................If we can find the words!
........
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
To Glenn Hayes, Editor BCT
.....

GOD.....NOW WHAT?

.....
Fifty-ODD years ago
God spoke.........to me.
Though I have laughed and cried,
Loved and hated,
Eaten, crapped and fornicated,
My life has been
One long, exciting search
To hear his voice again;
Though I know he lives
Not on some distant Shakari
But in eternal depths
........of me.
.....
Sometimes I wonder
In the dark of night,
How would or could I diff'rent be?
Is there some great plan
Whose path I trod all unaware?
Does each of us
Sometime - somewhere
Hear God and then.....
.....
Eat and cry and fornicate
But not the same:
...........Not quite.
......
From Life's a Bitch by GeoE
......

WHO......I?

....
What greater God
Do microbes have
Than I?
....
For e'en with drugs
They live...
I die
.....
Who interferes
With God's Great Plan?
Not man!
....
Or who knows
What that might be?
Not me!
....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
On reading Discover Magazine on mutating microbes.
........

GODS, CLODS AND WICKIUPS

.....
Once before a time a father sat
And contemplated this...and that
And found, to his great surprise
That he was lonely...
For he was this...but there was no that!
...
He raved and ranted, cried and swore
But nothing happened...
There was no more.
And so in silence deep and dark
He looked within and found...
His heart.
....
He called her woman, blessed wife
Who brought him joy
Companionship and life.
Two in one, and one in two
Their love and joy just grew and grew.
Where there was one...
Now one was two
And two was four and more and more
...
Exponentially, cosmic'lly, eternally,
Fearlessly, cataclysmic'lly, endlessly,
It grew.
Stars and suns and buttercups
Gods and clods and wicki-ups
Frantic, ceaseless, feckless blend;
For no beginning hath no end.
...
But what is very strange, you see
Is there was never any more
...nor less
Than what there was origin'lly.
Everything was ever new
And not-a-thing just never grew,
But in the silence of a heart
All is one...is one...is one
And one is one can never part!
AMEN.
....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
A Christmas Story, 1994
.....

MORE FOOL I

.....
Though my mountain be
.....only inches high
does't take less courage
.....with bag of mem'ries
..........(pain-death-fear-love-glory-ecstasy)
.....tightly gripped and head held high
to step so blithely off?
....
What beacon glows
.....'cross the abyss
..........that I might dare?
Does my bag hold only tricks?
.....More fool I, whose memory
Sees only dark;
.....counts failure's pain.
.....
Have I not stood before?
.....Did I not choose to move....
..........(or was I pushed)?
Empty bag...cast the stones
....and lo....
what glitters far outshines
.....dark fears.
And yeah, more brightly
.....for its darkling nest.
.....
Breathe - trust - and step.
.....TThere's naught to lose
.......... Foolish Fool.
Who knows what lies beyond
......Beyond?
.....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
July 1994
.....

IS IT REAL?

......
Where did it go.....this world of mine
Lost now in clouded memories.
Lost with all the belov'ds who also knew.
It seemed so real.
.....
Real as frost-ripped bottom
Bared to "out-of-doors"
And buckets dipped in icy well
Dripping to kitchen
Rosy warm with iron stove, and
Mama stirrin' grits and hog back.
....
Real as draggin' babe on pickin' sack
Between the cotton rows,
Or blessed nights before the fire
Papa readin' from "The Book"
Or mama pumpin' up the organ;
A dozen voices...more and less...
Sweetly singin' young'uns off to sleep.
.....
I sit before the raucous sounds of TV
Watching "Patriots" hitting "Scuds"
Raining death upon the earth.
The room too hot...furnace much too high;
Don't know how to turn it off.
Aching weary bones grateful for
The indoor plumbing
And the sound of TV voices,
Though they don't relate to me.
.....
How subtly were we wooed
Into a new reality.......or is this real?
Am I?
There's no one left to tell me:
Was it...is it...am I...is there real?
....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
....
For Fronie Skaggs, a living Grant Wood painting, born 11/30/1904, one of 12 children; fading, though not always gently, from a lost past through a present confusing even to those born to it, with a patient acceptance born of "you live because you are alive." 2/19/1991
....

AFTERMATH

........
Tall, the eucalyptus stand
Like painted soldiers;
Shakers motionless
'gainst flat grey sky,
Silent guardians of the night.
......
Faint ripples-teasing breeze;
Subtle, black turns grey...
....rose.....blue;
A winged hawk hovers high,
Promise of a 3-dimension day.
........
Shall I wake?
......
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
.......

LOST LOVE

....
The honey taste of buttercup
..........Is caught deep in my throat.
Silken strands of sunshine
..........Swing against your cheek.
Yet having known you....I do not weep.
.....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
....

BEAUTIFUL

.....
Beautiful;
.....As the grass sings
..........As the moon laughs
...............As a feather drifts
....................As the motes dance.
Beautiful
......
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
On reading "You and I" by Leonard Nimoy
.....

FIRST LOVE

....
"He loves me, Mom"
Bemused her lips;
..........All the mysteries of life
..........Were born.
.....
First love
..........However late it comes
..........Is ever new.
........
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
...for Charlotte, spring, 1993
.....

OBSERVATION

.....
Wisdom comes not with age
.........Experience nor love.
'Tis not the bailiwick of power,
Not sexual quality, quantity nor identity.
Not mother, not father,
..........Not poet nor fool
Nor even the practice of
..........Golden rule.
......
Wisdom, I think,
..........though I may never know,
Sneaks quietly in when not expected,
..........Nor courted, nor wooed, nor educated;
But out of silence and observation,
Appreciation and participation
..........In the ever-present now.
.....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
September 1994
........

WHO AM I?

......
Today, I dare to look
..........into my eyes
To see what lies
..........behind their guileless stare.
What demons of the dark
..........are lurking in there?
....
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
......

KALEIDOSCOPIC HEART

.....
The colour of my heart
Is not mine alone
But a tell-tale mix
Off all I've known.
......
.....The dark, the light
.....The fear, the flight,
.....Bleeding wounds given and taken,
.....Healing love; hate forsaken.
.........
The colour of my heart
No golden light;
It's murky depth's reflect
..........my life.
.......
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
September 1994
........

ON FORGIVENESS

.......
"Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord".
Mayhap 'tis true.
........Who knows
In elusive reach of morn
How flagellating whip is borne?
......
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
.....

HABIT GOD

.....
How fine the mesh of reason that I weave
......To strain the gnats of negativity,
And never see the cloak of doubt
......Whose darkness still envelops me,
In altar-niche, hidden deep within,
.......Loved with feel of fear and fate,
Worshipped through the patterns of my past,
.......The Habit-God needs only sit...and wait.
Arise, my feeling heart and meet
.......The great excitement of my mind.
In the joyous blending of the two
.......False-gods of doubt are left behind.
........
From Life's a Bitch by GeoE
.....

FAITH

.......
When I am weary, sore afraid
........the well-spring of my heart run dry,
My unbelief denies my faith
........giv'n God in days gone by.

Yet where, I need must ask
.........came all those words of yore?
From out my mouth can only come
.........what lived and grew before.
And I...whatever else may be...
..........I AM, and therefore one with Thee.

This day I drink not from the source
..........yet the well is never dry
For the river runs its course.
...........Be still; await the truth I know;
For only nagging doubt and fear
...........can block the well-spring's flow.
.........
From Life's A Bitch by GeoE
.....

BLEST BE THE DAY

..........
How blest are we
...........whose hands touch love
Digging through dark soil;
...........brushing aside worms of fear,
...........slugs of hate
To find tiny tendrils of hope

How blest are we
............who water the dreams,
Enrich life's surround;
............bring forth the vine,
.............fruit of trust,
To harvest blessings of love.
.....................
From Life's a Bitch by GeoE
March 1992. Dedicated to "those who serve" for Soroptimist Women of Distinction
......

...So Created...

space

In October of 19 and 18
I opened my eyes....and
..........................There was light!
Out of the dark, the warm,
..........................The moist and formless,

Out of the chaos of wirling motion
Pressure...pressure...
Mind-blowing pressure,
Blind-striking fear,

Lung-bursting, teeth-grinding,
...........Arm-flailing, whirling
......................Whirling
................................W h i r l i n g
.....................................Wh
..........................................i
...........................................r
............................................l
..............................................i
...............................................n
.................................................g

I opened my eyes........and
There was light,
And the world was born.

A lovely,
Bright and shining,
..........Opalescent, softly moving,
...................Dreamy world of light.
And when I tired of the play,
..........I called upon the dark;
..................And there was night.
And the evening and the morning
.........Were the first day.

And there was
Firmness beneath me,
........Solid, soft-supporting
..................Cradling and warm.
And above me
Sweet currents of heavenly air.
I had but to wave my arms,
........And lights danced,
..................Colors swirled. There were
Clouds of scented softness.

........And I created the waters
..................Of familiar moistness,
..................And the dry land, separated from the waters
And they came...and they left
........At my bidding,
.................And it was Good.
And I knew it was good.
And I knew I was God........to my world.

.........And lo, through all these many years,
.................As fast as my mind
............................Can whirl and dream,

As wide as my arms can reach,
...................My eyes can see;
.......As big as my heart can stretch out wide;
...................As far as my thoughts can spread,
.......I build my world.

....................Universally, Cosmically,
...............................Closely and Personally,
.........................................I flower it and seed it...
....................I rain and I dry it...
...............................I people it and warm it
.........................................With passion and fire
.........................................With hate and desire,
.........................................With color and light,
.........................................With cold and with night.
.....................I embrace it, reject it,
................................Ignore and inspect it
.........................................And hour by hour
....................................................It expands and it grows
.....................My creation.......My world

But what if I tire,
...........And what if I sleep?
........................Must it slowly expire and sink without sound
Back into the dark,
...........The formless and moist
.........................The motionless, silent
Stillness...............
..........Motionless
......................soundless
................................silent
........................................h
...........................................u
...............................................s
..................................................h
From whence I came.

.........Too bad........
.........It is a lovely world I made.
.........Still,
.........Once before, I slept......
..................And out of the chaos of
.........Mind-blowing pressure
..................Lung-bursting, arm-flailing
...........................Whirling.........

I opened my eyes
............................AND........

space

From Life's a Bitch by GeoE

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